email from a friend of Nancy’s

Hi Joe,

There are so many moments when I think “I need to call Nancy—I haven’t spoken to her for a week,” and then it hits me once again that she’s gone.  I can only imagine how much of a loss she is in your life.  You and she talked to each other many, many times a day and now what do you do to replace that?  

It’s been so many months since I’ve seen Nancy.  I could tell by her voice over the phone that she was getting weaker and weaker.  She was a woman who thrived on communication and it’s a funny thing since she was so picky about who she visited with or what gatherings she attended at Lieberman.

When I first met Nancy, I was a social work intern at Lieberman (2012), pretty unhappy with a placement in a nursing home.  I remember the first day I met her, I was sitting in the 6th floor social worker’s office and Nancy wheeled up in her chair to thank the social worker (can’t remember her name) for getting her some dried seaweed, which she loved to snack on!  Something about her clicked deep in me and reminded me of my mother who had died in 1985.  My mother’s name was Shirley Weinstein and she was also an artist, although nowhere near as accomplished as Nancy.  There were really not similar at all in their personalities or habits but maybe it was the last name and a presence that was full of gratitude that struck me so much.  I knew right then that I wanted to get to know her better.  That was even before I had looked in her room and seen the glory of all those paintings and books.  It made me feel better about being in Lieberman, knowing that there were people like Nancy with so much life and vitality in them.

Those were the days when Nancy never left her room for anything.  I decided to run a group and I basically begged Nancy to be part of it.  We met once a week in the dining room and talked about issues of identity.  Nancy was my bulwark, and I knew I could count on her to speak her mind and help other people open up.  It was probably my favorite part of the internship!

After I had been gone from Lieberman for about a year, I decided that I wanted to stay connected with Nancy and thought I wouldn’t be flaunting any social work boundary rules (!) by visiting her.  I remember thinking “how can it be harmful to someone who’s 90 to know that someone likes her and finds her company interesting?”  That was the beginning of my real relationship with your mom.  

What a joy that was to me for the years I was able to visit with her and talk with her.  What an incredible woman.  But of course you know that Joe.  I think everyone who met her wanted to befriend her and I’m not sure she was sufficiently aware of that.  Did she know that she gave a gift to everyone she was with?  The gift is a vision of aging and creativity and gratitude that we’re sometimes unaware of.  

Well Joe, it’s a gloomy autumn day today and the gloominess from the nation is filling me with anxiety. 

This would have been the kind of day when I’d tell Nancy, "let’s not talk about politics, please anything else!”   We shared a love of mystery stories, ballet, theater, love of family, the beauty of words.  I really loved your mom and miss her very much.   

 Please take care of yourself Joe.  

 love,

         Jessie